Is This For Real


Is This For Real? Essay, Research Paper

The status quo of marriage in American society, in some cases, is a moderately complicated issue. I do know, however, that before the marriage takes place there is an interlude called the dating period. In this dating period the two members of the couple attempt to get to know one another. This is the period where many people fall in love. This is also the period where many people realize that they are with the wrong person and have to start over with someone new. The dating process, which lasts for a sporadic interval of time, ends when one person in the couple offers a marriage proposal to the other. This agreement to marriage is a sacred bond of love and trust that proves to one’s significant other that one will enter into an exclusive relationship with that person until they are parted by death. If the marriage proposal is accepted, the couple is pronounced engaged, or betrothed to one another, and they set a marriage date. During the engagement the couple exchanges rings as a sign of devotion. Once the wedding date reaches its destination, the couple then performs the marriage ceremony, which is a gathering of close friends and family to witness the marriage. This ceremony is performed in a church at the hand of a priest who then pronounces the marriage as holy matrimony. During the wedding ceremony there is another exchange of rings that show a symbol of the couples undying love for each other. After the wedding, the couple usually takes a trip called the honeymoon where they consummate the marriage by making love. This process is the norm for how people are married in American society. The problem with this system is that most people enter into the marriage for the wrong reasons and end up getting a divorce. A divorce is a legal dissolution of a marriage contract. The problem with divorce is that the marriage is supposed to be a contract that is supposed to last until someone in the couple dies; only then is the sacred vow broken. Otherwise, the couple is going against God’s will. Defying God is not the only detrimental effect, however. More marriages in the United States end in divorce than in any other country in the world, and it can be seen throughout America’s history. There is consensus that the overall U.S. divorce rate had a brief spurt after World War II followed by a decline. It started rising again in the 1960’s and even more quickly in the 1970’s, but leveled off in the 1980’s only to begin a fluctuating increase that has lasted to the present. It is said that 40 or possibly even 50% of marriages will end in divorce if the current trends continue. Divorce would not be such a terrible thing if the effects were not so negative. Divorce greatly increases, two- or three-fold, the incidence of all kinds of sinister effects on children of divorced families, including psychological problems, juvenile delinquency, suicide, ignorance, and teen motherhood. Problems arise from conflict during and after divorce more than from conflict during the marriage. Problems persist into early adulthood and affect the marriage and mating choices of children of divorce. Also there is much stress over divorce. Adults and children are at a much more increased risk for mental and physical problems due to marital distress than if they were not to have a divorce at all. The double threat of marital conflict and divorce has led to a generation of U.S. children at great risk for poverty, health problems, alienation, and antisocial behavior. I believe that the cause of marriages ending in divorce is the fact that many marriages are not entered into in good faith and that many people are married for the wrong reasons. Many people believe that love is the key factor for a marriage to work. Well, that simply is not true. Merely loving someone is not going to make their marriage work. The person that they are marrying has to be good for them socially and financially for the long-term. In other words, when two people are being married they should be able to support and stimulate their mate mentally and physically for the duration of their marriage; otherwise, there is no point in being married. Also, some people marry someone just for some physical commodity that cannot be the basis for a marriage. Examples of this happen all the time, like when a woman marries a man for his money or vice versa, and when people are married just because the sex is great. Things such as these do not produce a lasting marriage, and the main reason that people continue to do this is that they do not understand what effect it is going to have. Americans are blind to the fact that they need to have a stable relationship in order to have a stable marriage. From all of these things stated so far, a hypothesis can be formed. My hypothesis asseverates that the problem is that most marriages end in divorce, divorce causes serious detriment to the divorcees and their children, and the cause of divorce is that people are negligent to what is necessary to maintain a lasting marriage. According to me there are two simple solutions to the problem of overwhelming divorce. The first one is a similar version of what Sir Thomas More uses in his book Utopia. In Utopia More states that before a couple is married, each person is shown naked to the other so that if there is something on one person’s body that the other cannot live with then the marriage can be nullified. In my theory I believe that before the marriage actually takes place, each person should bare their souls to the other. Sometime before the marriage, each person should take the other into a private room where only they will be able to hear, and then they should tell each other every single aspect of their lives. This includes personality, characteristics, favorite foods, goals in life, how many kids they want to have, income, future aspirations, number of previous relationships, history of mental illness, family history, etc. Each person should not only tell the other everything about themselves, but everything that they like and dislike about their mate. Honest is the key. If one person is not totally and brutally honest with the other, then the theory will not work. Lie-detector tests, personality test and the like may be used during the process. If any one person finds out something about their mate that they simply cannot live with, then the marriage can be nullified without feelings of grudge or blame. If at any time the party that broke-off the wedding has a change of heart, and as long as the other person agrees, then the marriage can be resumed. The second solution that I advocate is that the couple wait a while before they are married, especially if they are young. If the couple was dating for four years, then they should try being engaged for maybe another year. The best way to spend the engagement time is to live together. If the couple lives together before the marriage, then they can find out what it is like to have a mate around them every minute of every day. They can also find out what habits their mate has that they like and dislike. This way they can learn to live with the habits that they do not like before they enter into the marriage. If for some reason the couple cannot even live together before being married, then that is an obvious sign that they should not be married. The reason that my solution will work is that it is sensible and it is able to be done without much affliction. People will embrace my theory because people like the idea of honesty. They want to know everything about the person they are going to be spending the rest of their lives with just as their mate wants the same, and my solution is the way that it can be done. Statistics show that many more couples live together prior to marriage now than in the past. As many as 60+% of the population advocates this theory, and 85% of those people go on to be married and end up staying married. The reason that this works is that these people are finding out what it is like to be married before they are actually married. If the person that they are with is not the right one, then they will realize this and will be able to move one to someone else who is the right person. If executed properly, my theory cannot and will not fail. The marriages will begin to last and it will take effect on their children, who will grow up to lead more successful and fulfilling lives. If my theory is advocated, then a lasting marriage is inevitable.

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