Foundation of Relationships
Communication is the foundation of every relationship. Whether it is a relationship between a man and a woman or a relationship between people of the same gender, communication is the best way and maybe the only way for people to express their feelings to their partner. When a good communication system does not exist, the relationship could no longer exist either because the two sides do not understand each other anymore. Communication keeps the both sides inform about everything. Even though communication is very vital, it is very hard to accomplish a lot of times. It is even harder for a man and a woman to establish a good communication due to the differences of the two genders. As stated by Deborah Tannen in her article “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” men and women, when it comes to communication, they are very different from each other. Each gender looks at the subject from a whole different point of view. For the male, they don’t like to do much of talking but more of hanging out together. Going to a bar or watching a sport game is their way of good bonding and communication. As for women, they like to have long chats and that is their way of good communication. Like Tannen said, “Intimacy is the fabric of relationships, and talk is the thread from which it is woven (Tannen, 33).” Therefore, the two sides look for different things when it comes to communication in a relationship. This is one of the main reasons why it is easier for two people of the same gender to communicate than opposite sex. When a man is down, he comes to his best male friend and tells the problem, the friend probably will not be so sensitive about it but instead might try to argue it, showing the male hierarchy and they start to have a debate. For a woman, it is very different. Woman try to understand each other and put themselves into the position and try to feel it with one another (Tannen, 33-34).
The natural development of men and women also plays a very important role in creating a hard communication between the two genders. Throughout history, men always had been the more dominant gender. A male is always expected to support and run his family externally. On the other hand, a female’s role in society is to take care of the kitchen and the children. A female in history was always expected to wait and stay by the side of a man and never would get the same opportunities or treatment. Even though this concept had improved over the years with hard works of many courageous women, it is still a problem today. In her essay “Unfair Game,” Susan Jacoby display how disrespectful men can be to women. According to Jacoby, men always think that women are out hunting for men. Jacoby shares several of her personal experiences to prove her point. One of the incidents is when she and a friend were having a conversation at a bar and a drunken man tried to hit on them. They outwardly refuse and the man was very amazed at their rejection. These types of incidents are typical in today’s society but morally very wrong. Society always has picture women as the lower and less important gender. So therefore, with this idea in mind, women get less respect and get treated as though they are useless and always have to go out in search for men to survive. In the society today, some men take this concept and go a step further. They expect to get what they want and if not, they call the women bad names like it happens to Jacoby (Jacoby, 207-208).
Communication is the first and most important thing in a relationship but it is also the hardest thing to accomplish. A bad communication in a relationship could cause many misunderstandings and troubles. If good communication is easily attain, than the United States would not have nearly 50 percent divorce rate (Tannen, 32). It is very hard to achieve, but fistfight will not solve anything, only compromises will solve problems.
Tannen, Deborah. “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So
Jacoby, Susan. “Unfair Game.” Outlooks and Insights: A Reader