A Not So Modest Proposal Essay, Research Paper
Yesterday s slogan fight the system has been replaced by today s take advantage of the system. Many a supermarket employee can vouch that an alarming problem is the growth of individuals who take advantage of our nation s welfare system. Today the ability to breed has become a form of employment. However, these employees do not receive the customary currency for their jobs. The government employs these people and their payment is access to beer, cigarettes, and anything else other than food at the local grocer. A welfare program should be used to help the economically disadvantaged not raise one s social status. It s a shame for humanity and our nation when an individual can carry a cellular phone in one hand and a government check in the other.
The Puritan work ethic has now become unnecessary. With the average household on welfare being a family of eight, the poor s easiest profession is similar to what is known as the world s first profession . The morals of our great nation have been reduced to those of animals. During our happier days of the Baby Boom, children were born out of marriage, not lust or necessity.
Sadly, those happier days are a part of the past, and our population is rapidly growing. With an average of 20,000 women becoming pregnant daily, our well bred children are forced to be raised next to twice as many children of loveless, fatherless, and poverty ridden homes. At this rate of population growth, The United States will have twice as many people in China in a matter of five years, with nearly 60% being on welfare, and living in poverty.
A close friend has helped me to solve this great enigma. She is a highly skilled and trained veterinarian who is greatly knowledgeable and has a widespread practice. Due to her years of training, she has learned that the only way to control a population of a species is to surgically prevent pregnancy. This excellent scheme that we as civilized individuals deem so worthy of praise for exercise upon our beloved pets is more than capable of curing our growing ailment. Any man or woman who is on welfare will merely become spayed or neutered upon receiving the first welfare check. Those who are already on welfare, will of course be spayed and neutered in due time. The children of welfare families will also become spayed or neutered before they reach the age of reproduction ability. A woman on welfare who does give birth before the procedure has taken place will have an advantage. She and her child can both be fixed before they even leave the hospital.
Now, it has been pointed out that this solution will only increase government spending because money will not only be spent for the welfare checks, but also for the surgical procedure to take place. However, the procedure will save the government more money over time. This is due to the fact that welfare families get more money for each child that is born. Once this procedure is brought to widespread usage, the population of welfare families will dissipate, saving our nation billions of dollars! I must point out that saving this much money will bring our tax rates down dramatically. Another complaint is that this procedure will treat the lower class like common animals. However, this plan will do no such thing, because it will actually help the families. Without the job of bearing children and merely raising a family, individuals on welfare will be left to more important tasks, such as balancing their funds and working for a living.
Of course, any possible complications to my plan will be considered to ensure success before it is implemented. However, the advantages to my plan are quite obvious. Through my proposal, the nation can kill two birds with one stone , so to speak. It will first solve the nation s growing need to create a form of population control. The only possible solution to maintaining the population is to prevent women from giving birth. This plan will also lead to the people of our nation living happier, more productive lives. In twenty years, pollution will be lower, we will compete with fewer individuals in the job market, and rush hour traffic will be at a minimum. Women will also be healthier, and the children that are born will have the care and attention they deserve.
Now we reach a more important advantage to my humble solution. Through establishing such a plan, welfare abuse will no longer occur. The government will not deny those in need of assistance, but prevent itself from being taken advantage of. A woman will not be able to breed because she is in need of a higher income. The contribution to our nation s problems will no longer be rewarded. After the first twenty years this plan takes effect, our government will save an estimated $20 billion dollars a year.
Through this program, the lower class will eventually become nonexistent. The poor couples of our nation will be unable to breed, and will eventually die without producing an heir. After the current generation has died, the tradition of parent passing the life of welfare to child will no longer continue. Our nation will be smarter, richer, and more efficient. This program will not only benefit our government, but everyone. The affluent citizens will no longer be forced to raise their children among gang members and trailer park children. Children will not have to borrow money from parents because employment at McDonald s will be reserved for acne-ridden teenagers, not forty year-old mothers of three. Without the lower class, we will live in a safer and happier community.
Nations across the world might consider this practice somewhat barbaric. However, The United States growing welfare problem is the most unique in the world. To the well-meaning protesters abroad, I say, Let me hear no more of the prevention of families on welfare, the education of our youth to promote safe sex, the government listening to the concerns of those on poverty, the chance to raise income by increasing minimum wage rates, the school systems responsibility to raise educational standards, the need to make college more accessible, the community s obligation to clean up housing projects, and the creation of a more efficient welfare system that will eventually raise families to self sufficiency. As well meaning as these proposals may be they simply cannot work in our current state of affairs.
This problem has been an interest of mine for years, and after hearing the advice from several inferior counselors, I finally stumbled upon this proposal by accident. However, my idea did not come a moment to soon, because the situation is worsening every day. More and more children are being born into a life of poverty. Welfare families are growing at an exponential rate, and before we realize it, the poor will consume our nation.
I must genuinely inform my dear readers that I pursue this scheme only for the love of my nation. I truly desire to see it over these hardships to become a proud and abundant land. I have no children to benefit by the improved quality of schoolmates. And since I myself am not on welfare, I cannot profit from the opportunity to receive free birth control.