I open the door, entering the confined compound of my blood colored brick duplex on Millwood Drive. Behind the rough splintered, faded red fence, with a crooked elliptical top gate, is a parking lot. The lot is jaded, with bottomless potholes, filled with cracked brittle concrete. People tread through the poorly maintained lot, their bodies exhausted, from another stressful workday. I could hear them slamming their car doors, as if that was their relief for having a bad day. Orange rust eats at the white peeling paint on the tainted depreciated car, which struggles to start. After a few tries, the unsympathetic, unreliable engine comes alive. Its sagging tail pipe erupts a smoggy, black, polluting smoke. The tail pipe is moderately held up by a quick fix bent metal coat hanger. Sounds of rackety exhaust, and rasping brake pads come from the congested river of traffic, which flows through the busy intersection a block away. An immense rolling bank of clouds assembles a title wave, engulfing the harsh dark blue gray sky above. As I set inside the fence, a roaring cold wind waters my eyes; it elevates dead piles of leaves that clutter the dry brownish yellow grass backyard. I see the leaves form a corkscrew tornado shape. The tornado uplifts hoary, weather faded, yellow filtered cigarette butts, as it goes along its way. The repulsive smell of garbage offended my nostrils coming from an overfilled, hideous green leaking trashcan parked in the yard. Frail plastic blue cups, along with jagged, crushed, razor sharp, fermented beer cans, lay among the rubble of the destructive party that degraded my backyard. I look back one last time before heading in thinking of the aftermath behind me.
Part A: Positive Description
I open the door, entering the lively compound of my red rose-colored brick duplex on Millwood Drive. Behind the red fence, with an elliptical topped gate, bordering the yard, I see smiling grateful people enter a spacious, well-established parking lot. I see a sense of fulfillment on their faces, from another challenging workday. The people hurry eagerly to get to the serenity, and pleasant warmth of their homes, they swiftly close their car doors, heading on their way. As I set inside the fence I see a frisky, golden brown, fluffy tailed squirrel gracefully moving around the backyard. It makes a tightrope circus act come alive as it aspires in climbing a telephone pole. It traipses on the swaying lines with impressive balance. Sometimes it pauses for a moment, and chatters as if saying, look what I can do. The sky assembles ocean waves of rolling clouds, bringing the smell of a needed rain. The wind elevates yellowish; golden brown leaves that blanket the ground, sending them flying in a round about way. The descending leaves, look like golden shaped soft snowflakes as they fall in the yard. Birds land in the rich evergreen that block the winds, taking a rest. I could hear them chirping heavenly chords of praise, before continuing on their way. The rustic smell of wood comes from the neatly stacked triangle shaped pile of firewood, which sets in a corner of the yard. On the smooth concrete patio, sets a well-covered and protected barbecue grill. My mouth starts to water, thinking about all the rich, juicy, seasoned tasting foods that had been graciously prepared on it. I look back one last time before heading in, thinking how lucky I am for having such a yard.
Part B: Rhetorical Analysis
In my negative and positive descriptions, I used five writing strategies in order to strengthen the negative and positive impression each angle of vision had upon my readers. The techniques I used were overt direct statements of meaning, selection and omission of details, similes and metaphor s of figurative language, using words with different emotional connotations, and varying sentence structure. In order to create a better positive scene and negative scene, I had to leave out some details in order to give my readers the image I wanted them to feel. In the first paragraph of my first angle of vision, I showed the readers that the fence was rough splintered, faded red, with a crooked elliptical topped gate. While in the second angle of vision, I showed my reader that the fence was red with an elliptical topped gate which sounds positive. I talked about a parking lot in both angles of vision. In my second, I omitted that the lot was jaded with bottomless potholes, filled with cracked brittle concrete as if it was appalling to my readers. While in the second I said the lot was spacious and well-established, making it sound appealing to my readers. Also in my first vision I omitted the frisky, golden brown, fluffy tailed squirrel gracefully moving around the backyard, as it makes a tightrope circus act come alive. Focusing more on the tainted depreciated car, which struggles to start and the rackety exhaust and rasping brake pads coming from the congested river of traffic a block away.
To make the most effective paragraphs I had to watch my word choice and use different emotional connotations to describe the two scenes. For my essay, I sat in the backyard of my duplex observing all the activities around me. I started off setting the image, in the first sentences of the paragraph of my negative impression. I described the backyard as being a confined compound of my blood colored brick duplex. In the positive vision I described my backyard as being a lively compound of my red-rose colored brick duplex. In the negative impression I used words like jaded, depreciated, unsympathetic, and unreliable, yet in the positive I used words like pleasant, aspired, smooth, and eager. In the first vision my readers heard bodies exhausted from another stressful workday. While in the second vision my readers heard smiling grateful people have a sense of fulfillment on their faces, from another challenging workday. In my first impression the immense rolling bank of clouds resembles a tidal wave, engulfing the harsh dark blue sky while in the second the sky assembles ocean waves of rolling clouds, bringing a smell of a needed rain. In the second the wind elevates yellowish, golden brown leaves, that blanket the ground, sending them flying in a round about way. Although in the first the roaring cold wind waters my eyes; it elevates dead piles of leafs, that clutter the dry brownish yellow grass backyard. Also I said I saw, leaves form a corkscrew tornado shape. And that the, tornado uplifts hoary, weather faded, yellow filtered, cigarette butts, as it goes along its way. Also in the first I said I could hear people slamming their car doors as if that was their relief for having a bad day. While in the second I said the people hurry eagerly to get to the serenity, and pleasant warmth of their homes, swiftly closing their car doors, heading on. I wanted my readers to think of the people as being in a bad mood in my first angle. That is why I said they slam their car doors making it sound negative. Although, in the second angle I wanted my readers to think of the people as being eager, wanting to get home, swiftly closing their car doors, doing it this way didn t make is sound so negative.
In the two descriptions I used figurative language to convey the overall positive and negative impressions. I said that the squirrel makes a circus tightrope act come alive as it traipses on the swaying lines with impressive balance, in my positive impression. In my negative impression I said that the congested river of traffic which flows through the busy intersection a block away has sounds of rackety exhaust and rasping brake pads coming from it. Also I described the clouds in both angle of visions. In the positive impression I wanted my readers to think of the clouds as ocean waves although in the negative vision. I wanted my reader to think of the clouds as, tidal waves. Describing the clouds in this way painted a picture of the clouds as a nasty tidal wave, and in the other as ocean waves, giving my readers something they could relate to.
For sentence structure, I had to change only one of my sentences around a little bit to achieve the impression I wanted my readers to feel and see. For example, I said that the elliptical topped gate fence boarded the yard. of my lively backyard in my positive angle of vision. However, in my negative angle of vision I said, behind the elliptical topped gate fence is a parking lot and that my backyard is, confined. The whole goal behind that statement was for me to focus more on what the fence was separating me from in my negative angle of vision, and how confined my backyard is. While in the positive angle of vision I wanted to focus more on what the fence was holding inside of it and how lively it was.
Part C: Reflection
Writing this angle of vision essay was a task that I thought would be easy. However, I found out quite quickly that it wasn t going to be as easy as I thought. After many draft revisions, and workshops, I finally came out with an essay that I thought would be the right kind of caliber to get a passing grade. Writing this essay made me wallow in complexity about the scene I observed. While writing this angle of vision essay I found out that the writing techniques I learned could change the way my writing affects the readers. Also, leaving out some details helped me focus more on the positive and negative impressions that I wanted my readers to feel, and think about my writing. It was very rewarding finding show words rather than tell words. Writing with show words lets my readers see, smell, taste, hear, and feel the same scene that I saw. Also using show words made my paper more interesting. I found out that changing sentence structure let me create different impressions in my writing. I also learned that I as a reader have to step back and think to myself, what does this writer want me to feel and see? Learning these techniques lets me persuade others into understanding my ideas on a subject more clearly. Also it makes my writing and speech more fluent, and personal, making it more interesting for my audience. The hardest part for me was describing what was going on outside my fence, as well as what was going on inside it at the same time. This writing assignment helped me understand just what problems and challenges a writer goes though. Doing this writing assignment gave me a sense of achieving an overall goal in my writing.