Apple of My Eye
As our lives march onward and time accumulates relationships like a child s toy box collects forgotten companions, it can be emotionally trying to know that your spouse has been in love prior to your relationship but it s not necessary to be their first romance to be happy within your relationship.
Once the initial intoxication of lust wares off the idea that your relationship requires maintenance comes to your conscience. Even though it is critical to try to constantly work on a growing and healthy bond there will be lulls when you coast. While the daily upkeep of your relationship is on automatic pilot your mind might drift too, whom was my mate involved with prior to me, do they cherish me as much as they did the previous person, and will I be enough for them? As Hardy points out in his poem, And the happy young housewife does not know that the woman beside her was first his choice, till the fates ordained it could not be so . (Thomas Hardy pp 233.), until this relaxing and examination takes place you might be unaware that your mate even had a life before you.
As this unveiling of your position in the affairs of the heart takes place you may even discover that in the order of loves you may not have been the first and foremost. There may even be some unresolved feelings for the mate left behind that was never given the chance to die. The guest sits smiling and sips her tea, and he throws her a stray glance yearningly. (Thomas Hardy pp 233.) It doesn t matter how unresolved the feelings may seem if the person you have devoted yourself to is equally devoted to you. As Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette points out, with his gestures of love to his wife over the dinner table her husband was reassuring her that she was indeed the one that he loved. His caresses had the effect of moving her emotionally while showing how much she loved him. She couldn t hide the response, not that she would have wanted to if she could. He loved her and was committed to this new love and so was she. (Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette pp 197.)
After all is said and done and the jealousies and doubts have entered your heart and been dispatched as self-defeating, it all comes down to your perception of the value of your mate. Do you picture them as the ultimate, the all fulfilling? Can you picture your future together as a couple being secure in the knowledge that you are right for one another? Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette suggests, that the young wife is able to tell by surveying the room and all its occupants that she is the one that is in the envied position. The place coveted by this visitor, she is the love of her husbands life. (Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette pp 197.)
Hardy, Thomas. At Tea. Reading and Writing from Literature. 2nd Edition. John E. Schwienbert. Boston: Houghton, 2001. 233-233