Overcoming Marital Conflict
always disagreed. Both sexes are born with inherently different personality
of her mate is one of the primary conflicts in marriage. They will also find
every aspect in their lives.
don’t have a fulfilling sexual relationship. Havelock Ellis (1859-1939) wrote in
The New Spirit, “The omnipresent process of sex, as it is woven into the whole
texture of our man’s or woman’s body, is the pattern of all the process of life”.
This leads me to believe our sexuality is the core to ourselves.
different outlooks toward the act of sex. Most women need an emotional
connection prior to experiencing a truly satisfying sexual encounter. Whereas
men tend to avoid deeply emotional bonding. Men can be happy with superficial
love, not that all men stop there. Women also feel affection is the essential
and she wants him to express his care often. Without it she usually feels
alienated from him. With it she will become emotionally bonded to him.
Learning the sexual outlook of each other’s partner will increase the ability to
deal with the sexual conflicts that materialize.
complain of sexual problems in their marriages are really experiencing a deeper
fantasies, and sharing desires and fears with their mate, their individual
sexuality can and will become more fully and freely expressed.
their mate, but also in recognizing the vulnerable humanity from their failures.
Couples can learn to express the deep love for each other and gratitude for the
mutual care of one another. By lowering their defenses and forming a close
others needs. This is the way marriage was meant to be.
Just as men find sex enjoyable in it’s own right, most women enjoy
for communication, this need is usually greater in women. This difference is
half of all the couples they see have serious problems communicating.
Communication is extremely important in all areas of life, but in the intimate
state of marriage it is vital. Therapists agree that although most couples have
a sincere wish to actively discuss their sexual tensions they are unable to
communicate successfully. This could be caused by their lack of communication
skills. The average person may attend one formal class on effective
communication in their lifetime. With the help of a disinterested party or
working together, a husband and wife may initiate discussion of sexual problems.
Several roadblocks to keeping the channel of communication open may be a mutual
on singular unwillingness to compromise in resolving conflict, or inability to
upbringing. Other’s may be afraid frank discussion would hurt their mate’s
refuse to admit there is a problem. This practice of repressing emotions will
only come back to haunt the couple elsewhere in their relationship. There is
nothing wrong with conflicts, provided they are used constructively to improve
communication and strengthen relationships. Communication especially during
intimate relations is essential to avoid conflict.
images have important effects on their sex behavior. Our culture’s definition
insists that passivity and dependency are the core to femininity while
aggressiveness and independence are the central features of masculinity.
Society contends that mankind must comply to these rigid standards, or they be
looked upon as outcasts. In fact, society almost forces men to be the stronger
partner, the provider. I believe the reason a man cannot comfortably express
inner feelings is it makes them vulnerable to their mate, becoming weak in her
eyes. She of course wants nothing more than to share all her most inner
her soul. Perhaps another reason men find it harder to display physical acts of
emotion stems from societies disapproval of soft men. It is accepted and
seemingly encouraged for a woman to openly display emotion. From childhood
little boys were programmed to “stop crying like a girl” whereas little girls
were coddled if they were hurting. These two varying psychological profiles set
raised in that way overcoming misunderstanding brought on by incompatibility of
feelings is hard, but not unachievable. Realizing men and women are emotional
calmly and tenderly for clues that will help an individual better love and
understand their partner for life.
A marriage which is supposed to be for life, is filled with endless conflict.
Marriage thrives in an atmosphere of perfect honesty and openness. Mankind gets
along by sharing feelings, fighting with one another, and then by forgiving one
marital relationship. If a couple does not share feelings they will never get
both partners feel differently about the issue. Luckily fighting can also lead
extraordinarily difficult, but it is not impossible, and it is crucial to a
partners can forgive they must forget as well. To forget is imperative to
maintain trust in the relationship. Only by working together, practicing
empathy, and a lifetime commitment to overcoming conflict will spouses flourish
in their marriage.
Some conflicts, as we have just seen, are inevitable in marriage because no
cultural training leaves most of us drastically unprepared to deal well with
conflict. Marriage does not have to be a battleground; couples must learn to
a beautiful relationship will evolve. When I married, my mother told me to give
my husband everything he wants, and we will always be happy. That may have
worked for her, but I have found mutual cooperation in overcoming marital
conflict brings a satisfaction almost chemical in intensity, a kind of cheap
high. It comes down to commitment. A genuine marriage is a pledge of faith
person is our lifelong devotion. It is also the humble reception of another
to each other is “forever and a day” and that is the framework for which a
marriage should operate.
Partners In Love: Ingredients for a Deep and Lively Marriage, Alanson B.
Houghton, Walker and Company, NY, @1988