The Emotional Quadrant Essay, Research Paper
The Emotional Quadrant
Abandonment is the worst fear for any child. Children are innocent creatures that from birth have come to depend on those around them for love, support, and help. Parents are children s protectors; in their eyes they are their heroes, who when needed will shelter them from all harm. But what happens when they no longer have that umbrella over them? When they are left to face the world all on their own. Results of abandonment have long-term affects on children. They lose the ability to trust and, to be open with others. Abandonment is a sense of loss so traumatic that it affects the way they live and think.
One of the results of such rejection is fear. In the essay by Elisabeth K bler- Ross The Emotional Quadrant , the author uses the example of Rene, a child abandoned by his father at the age of five. So Rene grew up [...] not knowing that the fear of abandonment was still with him in adulthood. But Rene was afraid of alcoholism, afraid of mental illness, afraid of getting close to anyone (674). Without knowing it, Rene became afraid of the problems his mother and father had. His mother was an alcoholic and his mother has been in and out of mental hospitals until she took her own life. This is an example of how this abandonment can cause more then the obvious reactions. As a child, you look for answers for the events that occur around you. When you cannot find an explanation, you naturally blame it on what you see and suddenly fear it. You believe that these are the causes of all the problems. In this case he grew to fear the alcohol, and mental illness for the loss of security and love in his home.
From the minute you are born you have this natural sense that the people you go home with are the ones to trust and depend on. They feed you the love you crave, nurture you, and surround you with a natural feeling of shelter. So it is not a surprise when their reaction to this abandonment, whether it be one or both parents, causes anguish and confusion to a child.
When there is a lack of protection for a child, as the child grows into his/her adolescent years and adulthood there will be a great deal of mistrust. This also creates the need to please others, believing this will prevent the child from being left once again:
Rene tried to please his dad in every way he could. He painted the new house and worked every free moment he had to get a nod of approval from him. But his dad remained as silent as he had always been. This silence always brought back to Rene the memory of that nightmarish day when he had been taken away from home without so much as an explanation, much less a good-bye or last hug from his mom. (K bler-Ross 674)
The worry that someone will again bring pain to your life is present, and creates the inability to have healthy relationships. With the collective effects of the fears and insecurities there are two outcomes of how these children will turn out as adults, how they will handle relationships. The first is when they completely avoid people who they can come to love or care for; seeking refuge in other activities, in Rene s case, work. They constantly hide behind this to abstain from forming any close bond with another person. The second is when they get into relationships where it is obvious that it will result in disaster. The relationships are painful, and often result in the repetition of those events that traumatized them initially.
The most painful feeling for anyone to have is the feeling of loneliness, which is the feeling that they are completely alone. Events that happen to any of us during our childhoods can have traumatic affects on us even as adults. The one thing that you can learn from these types of events is that we are strong individuals who can overcome anything. We learn a lot about ourselves, and in the end become better for it. For this to happen we have to look within ourselves and throw away the guilt that constantly weighs you down. Realizing that what happened to you is not your fault, that you could not help what has happened, will be one of the greatest steps you can take to overcome such experiences. To experience love and to be able to trust, you have to be able to forgive people for the past, which will enable you to live a happy future.