This story had a lot of good ideas but I couldn?t really follow what was going on. I thought that the narrative paragraphs made complete sense?. Then I would get to the dialogue and be scratching my head. I think the dialogue is where you lost me. Your character has a good strong voice? I can feel her emotions. Also your descriptions of people and the coffee shop were really good. I knew exactly what it looked like or what the person looked like.
I didn?t feel like the story had good movement? it didn?t seem to flow very well. That was the only thing that I think was really wrong with the story. It seemed like you were jumping back and forth between different fragments of this girls life?. And I could really follow the general ideas. I realized that you were saying something about the concept of life and how different people were but I guess I didn?t really understand what you wanted me to understand.
One thing that may help the story just look better is the font?. It really confused me. I think it made me cross-eyed?. But that just could have been me. I really loved the girls character?. She was hilarious? I just got lost when she started talking. Maybe if you just shaped up the dialogue a bit it would be a masterpiece. I couldn?t figure out the general motive of the story? or really the plot. However, I could have just totally missed the entire point. The story was really funny though.