Real Mother or Not?
It was my first pregnancy and I was feeling quite proud about becoming a new mother. I felt like my world was finally on my side by allowing me to experience this great adventure. I couldn?t believe that I was finally able to experience this after the tragic episode I had the first time. It was really true and the time was approaching for the blessed event.
The day started out as a normal day with everyone doing all the things that they had to be done. As the evening approached we all decided to go out to eat, a few friends and my mom. The final decision was pizza for dinner. My husband, Donny, and I called my mom to the final arrangements to her, Bubba, and Cinnamon for dinner at Pizza Hut. The choice for dinner was not one of my favorites at this time, but I went along. That?s all I needed to be eating was a gigantic pizza full of puddles of grease. As we all sat at dinner eating the huge puddle of grease they called a pizza. We all talked about how our week had been, considering we had an ice storm three days prior, they all wanted how I was doing. I mentioned that my lower back was aching. My girlfriend, Cinnamon said, ?I bet you have that baby tonight!? I said, ? No, my due date is not for another five days, I just have a backache?. Yeah, well this is your first and I?ve already had kids, so I know how these things start? she stated. As the evening progressed the pain was still present and I was pretty uncomfortable. The pain was a throbbing sensation in my lower back that felt like a bomb going off over and over again.
When we went home I was relived, and all I wanted to do was get into my bed and go to sleep to try and relieve some of the discomfort. That night I slept rather well considering the twenty trips you make to the restroom. When you?re that far along.
When I awoke the next morning I was beginning to experience ?cabin fever?. I had just stopped working and had been home for two weeks, and the last week was an ice storm. During the freezing weather my mother didn?t even want me to walk outside. Every time I?d head toward the door she?d say, ?You?re going to go out there, fall down and go into labor and we won?t be able to get you to the hospital.? So, I was a little high strung, being in a house with two people watching my every move, and asking me if I was all right five hundred times a day.
Donny has never been one to just go window shopping, but on this day my mom asked him to please take me out of the house for the day before I completely lost it and went off like a rocket! Even though you could really tell he did not want to go he sucked it up and went. The day out was not at all fun with me grippe and him not really even wants to be there in the first place, but we made the most out of the time we had. Throughout the day I still had the back pain, so that probably made me a little grippe also.
On our way back home we decided to stop by a friends house to say hi and visit for a while. While we were there I was uncomfortable, and I wanted to take a whole bottle of Tylenol. Donny had taken about all he could and was ready to leave.
He asked, ? do you want to stay here for a while and I will come back for you later this afternoon??
I said, ? No, I?ll just go home and stay there for the rest of my life!? Really wanting to stay where I was but afraid because my friend had no phone or car if anything was to happen. The trip home was quiet as Donny or I either one spoke to one another, afraid we would end up going at one another?s throat.
When we got home I went in and change out of my clothes into some shorts. It was then end of January and it already felt like spring outside. The mornings were crisp and cool, where you would need a little ling sleeves to keep you warm. The afternoons were nice and cool. The kind of day you wanted to open all the windows and doors and let the sunshine and fresh air fill the house.
Donny on the other hand had to get out of the house for a little while by himself, so he went to his dads. After changing my clothes I went in the living room and sat in the burgundy winged back chair and let my lets hang off the side. As I sat there I felt a little drizzle of something leave my body. I thought to myself, ?What was that?? Just having gone to the restroom I figured I just empty my bladder well, so I sat there and enjoyed the wonderful weather and quiet time I had to myself.
A little while later the phone rang, and it was Donny and he wanted to know if I wanted to go over to his dads for a while and get out of the house. He told me the whole family was over and they wanted us to come join them. I told him sure come pick me up, but give me a few minutes I need to go put on some long pants because it was going to start getting chilly and I didn?t want to freeze. He told me he would be by the house in about twenty minutes. Soon as I put down the phone I went to the restroom. When I got up from using the restroom I realized my under clothing was a little wetter than it should have been. At that time I became a little concerned. I went to the phone and called Donny at his dads and told him I thought my water may have broke, but I wanted to make some friends first to find out if that?s what happened. I also told him not to tell anyone over at his dad?s house because I didn?t want to look like a fool if it turned out to be nothing. He said. ? Ok I?ll be there in a few minutes.? In the mean time I got on the phone and started making phone calls to all my friends that had children, and asked them if there water had ever broke. All of my friends had never had their water break so they were of no help tome. I called my mom and she told me her water had never broken with any of her children either but I ought to call the hospital and talk to one of the nurses. I told her I would as soon as I got off the phone with her. While I was on the phone with everyone Donny came through the door. He wanted to know if I knew for sure my water had broke and I told him I was not sure yet. He said well I need to run to the store for my dad and I?ll be right back, and if you find out anything page me right away. I said ok I?d call him if I found out anything.
I called the hospital and talked to a nurse that told me to go ahead and come on in and let them take a look at me. I explained to her that I felt like an idiot coming in there, that I was probably over reacting and it was probably nothing. She reassured me that they would not think that about me. She also said, ?Its better to know for sure then to wait too long, and start having problems.?
By this time Donny is about to go crazy. He asked me, ? Well are we going to the hospital?? I told him I guess so, even though it was probably nothing and they?d end up sending us home because I was over reacting. I called my mom and told her we were going to go ahead and go to the hospital and let them take a look, and we?d be in touch with her.
The whole way to the hospital I doubted myself. I kept telling myself that I was just over reacting and I was going to feel real stupid when I got here and it was nothing. Donny was reassuring me that I was doing the right thing, and he would not be disappointed if I was wrong.
We arrived at the hospital and went straight to OB Observation, and there was no one there. We had to pick up the phone and call the nurses station and have them send someone down. The nurse, Stacy, came down and told me to go into the bathroom and change out of my clothes and put on a gown. I came out of the bathroom feeling like my body was being exposed to the whole world. I laid on the plywood gurney that they call a bed, and waited for the nurse to return.
Donny was a nervous wreck, with his hands sweating and shaking. I think he was more nervous than I was, and I was the one having a baby. He was really trying to be supportive though. He stayed right there beside me and held my hand. The nurse came over and hooked me up to some monitors and started asking all kinds of questions. I think when she hooks me up to the monitors I realized that this was really happening. The nurse told us she was going to perform a pelvic exam and swab the fluid I had leaking with litmus paper, and if it were amniotic fluid it would turn bright pink.
I don?t know if you?ve ever had a pelvic exam, but at nine months pregnant it?s not a pleasurable experience. During the pelvic exam it felt like she was trying to reach up and feel my tonsils. The harder and deeper she plunged the more painful and tense I became. When she finally finished ripping my insides out, she told us, ? she didn?t think that what she was feeling in the birth canal was a head, and she wanted to call for an ultrasound.? She said, ?She thought the baby was still in a floating position, but that my water had broke.? Then she proceeded to tell us that I was not having contractions and that my cervix was not softened or dilated.
While we waited for the ultrasound technician to show up Donny went to the phone and call everyone and let them know that my water in fact had broke. While he was gone I asked the nurse what they were going to do since my water had broke, but I was not having any contractions or dilated. She told me they would probably put me in a room overnight and see if I would go into labor on my own, and if I didn?t by morning they?d give me something to put me in labor.
When Donny returned he told me he had called everyone and that they?d be on their way soon. I told him he?d better go back and call them and tell them to bring all of our bags, since we left the house without anything.
The technician finally showed up for the ultrasound and I was so glad. That gurney was so uncomfortable and I was ready to find out what was going on. They turned off all the lights in the room and squirted that ice-cold gel on my belly. The baby had grown so big that it was hard to see anything, but they saw what was important at this point. The final verdict was that the baby had turned sideways into a transverse position and his shoulder was at the birth canal.
I asked the nurse what that meant for me?? She said, ? You?ll probably have to have a c section!? A c-section, I thought, NO WAY!!!! This is not he way its is supposed to be. I wanted to deliver my baby natural. I would not be a real mother if I had a c-section. Fear ran through my veins as the blooded rushed to my throbbing heart.
Not only had my water broke on a Friday night, but it was also a full moon and we walked into OB Observation at 6:30pm so that meant my doctor had already gone home. In finding out all of this I also learned that this was his only weekend off in the month, so the doctor on call would deliver me. I felt like my whole world was crushed, not only was I going to have the one thing done to me I didn?t want, but some stranger was going to be doing it.
As we sat there in the cold isolated and silent room Donny looked over to me and said, ? Angela, I don?t think I can go into the operating room with you.? Anger flooded my mind. This man who helped me get pregnant was abandoning me when I needed his support the most. I looked at him with all the seriousness I could find inside of myself, and said, ?Donny don?t start your *censored* with me! You are going in there with me!? From that moment on neither one of us said much. The only sound is the room was the two of us breathing, and the awesome pounding sound of our unborn baby?s heartbeat.
Looking out the window, Donny, jumped up and said, ? there here I?m going to go outside and meet them.?
I said, ?you better hurry there going to be here soon to take me to surgery.?
Soon as Donny walked out the door the nurse returned with a wheelchair and said they were ready for me. The only thought that ran through my mind was, ?Where?s Donny?? The nurse wheeled me out into the hallway by the elevator and there was my brother, Bobby, he looked like he was trying to find a lost animal. I almost in a yelling voice said, ?BOBBY.? He looked straight at me and all I could say was, ? I?m going to have to have a c-section!?
He said in a strong yet scared voice, ? you?ll be alright.? Then in the next breath asked where Donny was. I told him that he had gone looking for them. The nurse pressed the button on the elevator, and the doors opened instantly. She told Bobby to come on up with us, and then he?d have to leave. While in the elevator Bobby told me he?d find Donny soon as he got out. The doors opened and reality slapped me in the face. Fear ran fast through my body. Bobby wished me luck and went on the hunt to find the MFIA (missing father in action). The atmosphere in the ob surgery area was very dull and extremely cold. The nurses were very friendly and were all trying to keep my spirits up. They could tell I was extremely nervous.
There were doctors and nurses all around preparing me for surgery and asking all kinds of questions. The anesthesiologist showed up to give me my epidural. The epidural process was not that painful, just a slight since of uncomfortable Shortly after the epidural I started shaking uncontrollably. I thought I was having seizures or something.
I asked the nurse, ?is this normal or am I just nervous??
She said, ? It?s the epidural but it could also be nerves.? I laid there freezing cold and shaking uncontrollable when I heard the voice of my mother coming down the hall. In my mind I thought oh mommy. You?re here to save me form this horrible situation. Part of me wanted to crawl up into her lap and make the world go away. Then I remembered I was an adult and that was not possible. She wanted to check on me and make sure I was doing all right. The nurse told she could stay for five minutes and then they?d be taking me to surgery.
SUGERY!!! What wait, Donny?s not here. ?MOM? I said, have someone go find Donny right now I?m not going to do this alone. She kissed me and off she went to find the MFIA!!!! While I lay there having epidurals convulsions all I could think about was the ways I was going to kill Donny when I got his over with, if he didn?t make it in time. About this time Donny came around the corner in almost a run.
He reached I asked, ? Where have you been??
He said, ?I got lost, locked out?? Before he could explain the nurse came up and threw some blue scrubs to him and told him to go into the room and take off your clothes and put these on, and hurry there ready. He was back in a flash. When he got back he said, ? You know what I took off my shoes and put on these booties and everyone else has the booties on over their shoes. I?m going to go put my shoes back on.? I told him, ? you better make it quick I mea less than a minute not five minutes.? In a snap he was back with shoes on his feet, and we were off to the operating room.
The room was very busy with doctors and nurses working everywhere. Almost everything in the room was stainless steel and covered in blue cloth. They placed me on the ice-cold porcelain-operating table. It was freezing cold and went all the way through to my bones. The doctors were ready to begin their procedure and asked me if I was numb? I explained to them I was tingly but not numb. The anesthesiologist started pinching me from between my breasts to my upper belly. Asking me all the way down if I could feel what he was doing. He then asked me if I could raise my legs, while lying on the table. I told him yes, and did so. He then gave me another injection, and started the whole pinching process over again.
Then without any warning at all I felt the skin at my lover belly burn like fire, and the color of flesh leave my body from head to toe. I turned white as a ghost. I clenched my teeth together and stated to the doctor who ripped all he life out of my body, ?I don?t know what the hell you just did but that hurt!? He started saying, ? I can?t go on she?s to verbal.? I then tilted my head back and asked the anesthesiologist, ?Why don?t you just go ahead and knock me out, and get it over with.? He said, ? That?s what I?m going to do, and then they asked Donny to leave the room.? Just as soon as the words came from his mouth that?s what he did. The only think I remember was they put the oxygen mask on my face and I was too out of it to say anything. As I drifted off into the best sleep I had, had in a long time, I heard the cry of a baby and thought, ?oh baby crying and tried to open my eyes to see, but I was gone.
I woke up about forty minutes later in recovery to nurses asking me how I felt. The only words my mouth could utter at that moment were I hurt. The nurse told me she was giving me something to take care of that. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep and forget about the excruating pain I felt. The pain felt like someone had set fire to my belly. The whole belly area burned like fire, and all I wanted to know about was my baby. The nurse told me I had a beautiful baby boy that weighed eight pounds five ounces, and was twenty inches long. They told me he was with his Daddy in the nursery, and he was doing great.
At that moment all the pain I had felt was all right because I had brought a beautiful little boy into this world. This child was mine and I loved him unconditionally and he loved me. After seeing him for the first time there was no question in my mind about whether of not I was a real mother. Sure I was I gave life to a beautiful baby just like a mother who delivers naturally. I just did it in a different way, but we both get the same thing as the end result.