I need to talk to someone. dad left.. he left a fax.. i can’t believe this.. he gave me money this morning. i knew something was wrong. i had a feeling he’d leave. i just knew it, in my head you know. sixth sense or something. I’m so… sad i guess. I feel like it’s my fault. We were so low to him. maybe i feel worse about this thing because i kind of know how he feels i heard them fighting. i heard him crying. i feel so bad. he was doing so much work for us. we didn’t even thank him for it, nothing in return. life sux. I wrote on my hand just about an hour ago… before i found out. “life is so good”. what the hell was i thinking. must have been out of my mind. i hate this kind of *censored*. i get all emotional and i can’t hide it. I’m so empathetic it’s not funny. it’s like this book we’re studying for literature. I mean I even think that this guy is lost, but i guess i can relate to how he can cry when some one feels bads coz i do that. i think my mom’s crying, but she’s being strong for us, the kids. i love her so much. I love my dad too, but i guess i never actually showed it…. none of us have. maybe that’s why he satyed away. i just hope he doesn’t get hurt. I don’t was anyone to see me like this, maybe my friends. I think th reason why i talk to them more than my family is coz, they don’t know half the people i talk about. i really need some help… everything’s going badly… i wonder what’s next. maybe my cousin… no, that’s bad luck. i have to go. get my head cleared. see ya. grace.?
Ok. it came back. it wasn’t such a bad thing… but we’re all on our tippy toes, trying to see if he’ll get stressed out again. i still don’t know why he left. i can’t see… you guess why. everything feels so weird. we’re gonna sleep in new house 2morrow. yey?who! why can’t life just be good to everyone. it may have been a midlife crisis. you can tell that he’s been crying the whole time he’s been gone. his eyes are all puffed and blood?shot. even until now. i’ve never seen him cry. he’s never cried in front of us. maybe if he did, we would have been more emotional with him, and he would have known how much we love him, and not have been so stressed out. mom and the rest of them reckon he left becuase of work. i don’t know about that. i wouldn’t leave like he did just because of work. that’s why, she is ignorant of his emotions. i am so depressed right now. i have to learn how to be around him again.. i don’t know if i can. i’ll be fake and he’ll resent it more. what am i gonna do. why can’t i talk to anyone. i told my friends about everything. it help a bit… but i really need to talk to SoMEONE. a someone who i’m really tight with. i don’t have anyone like that, julie and me used to be like thiat… what can you do. a have to think… i am here, but i need to make sense of everything, and it’s easier in my head. grace.