Emotional Intelligence Essay, Research Paper
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
DEFINE
E.Q, which stands for emotional quotient, is a fairly new concept in the scientific community yet it has become one of the most controversial topics. For thousands of years people have thought that I.Q is destiny, but is has turned out to be not nearly as much as we thought. Daniel Goleman, a psychology professor at the University of Harvard wrote a groundbreaking book about the E.Q factor. His book argues that our view of human intelligence is far too narrow. Ignoring a crucial range of abilities that matter immensely in terms of how well we do in life. To be ?emotionally intelligent? relies on many factors, which include knowing one?s feelings and using them to make life decisions they can live with. Being able to manage one?s emotional life without being hijacked by it — not being paralyzed by depression or worry, or swept away by anger. Persisting in the face of setbacks and channeling one?s impulses in order to pursue their goals. Empathy — reading other people’s emotions without their having to tell you what they are feeling. Handling feelings in relationships with skill and harmony — being able to articulate the unspoken pulse of a group, for example. The phrase ?emotional intelligence? was coined by Yale psychologist Peter Salovey and the University of New Hampshire?s John Mayer eight years ago to describe the emotional qualities one had.
EFFECTS ONE?S LIFE?
EQ is one of the deciding factors on the outcome of someone?s life. Being emotionally ?controlled? can change one?s life. It can effect the way you deal with failure, either accept it or try to persevere in your original goal. For example, someone goes to a job interview but is turned down. An emotionally intelligent person would think ?It?s not the end of the world, there are plenty of jobs out there.? Where as an emotionally ?unstable? person would think ?Oh no, I?m never going to get a job, then I won?t be able to pay my rent and I?ll get kicked out into the streets after which I will turn to a life of crime which will come to an abrupt end when I?m shot in the head by a cop while trying to seal some food?I?M DOOMED!? It might be hard to believe but there are plenty of people out there with that kind of attitude towards rejection. This brings us back to the point that if someone can handle an emotional situation they will go through life more relaxed and comfortable.
PART PERSONALITY? EXPERIENCES IN LIFE? ATTITUDES?
Most emotionally intelligent people are outgoing, talkative, fun, and just a joy to be around. Where as a person with lesser EQ is just the opposite. There is no question emotionally intelligent people are more liked. No one wants to hang out with a ?boring? person, they want to laugh, to be entertained to be around people with a higher EQ. A person?s attitude towards life?s obstacles is practically a surefire way of identifying whether or not that is a person of high EQ. Optimists are usually the one?s with a high EQ, whereas pessimists are usually lower on the EQ chart.
THE MARSHMALLOW TEST
It turns out that a scientist can see the future by watching four-year-olds interact with a marshmallow. The researcher invites the children into a room where he begins the torment. He places a single marshmallow on a table, you can have the marshmallow right now, he says. But if you wait while I run an errand you can have two. And then he leaves.
Some children grab for the marshmallow the minute he leaves. Some last a few minutes before they give in. But others are determined to wait. Some sing to themselves; they try to play games or even fall asleep. When the researcher returns he gives them their hard earned marshmallow. And the, science waits for them to grow up.
By the time the children reached high school, something remarkable has happened. A survey of the children?s parents and teachers found that those who as four-year-olds waited for the second marshmallow turned out to be better adjusted more popular, more dependable teenagers. The children who gave in to the temptation early on were more likely to be lonely, easily frustrated and stubborn. And when the students where given a Scholastic Aptitude Test, the kids who had held out longer scored an average of 210 points higher.
OPTIMISM AND EQ
Most people with a high EQ are optimists, you almost never see a pessimist with a high EQ. It somewhat of an oxymoron for someone to be emotionally intelligent and pessimistic. Optimism plays a huge role in the life of an emotionally intelligent person. Optimists see things differently than pessimists. An optimist would see an obstacle as a challenge, where as a pessimist would see it a pain in the ass and a waste of time. Being an optimist makes things easier the person and the people around them, it eases things in rough situations. An optimist can control his/her emotions in a way that would benefit them. If a person with a high EQ fails a test thinks ?it?s not the end of the world, all I have to do is study harder next time.? This kind of attitude eases things on the person, instead of feeling bad all day for failing they would feel good in knowing that next time they are faced with a similar situation they will do better. Pessimism has no place in the life of an emotionally intelligent person. Optimism is more that just positive thinking, it is a habit of positive thinking. Optimistic children are a joy to be around. Their zest and zeal is contagious. According to psychologist Martin Seligman, who writes in more than a thousand studies, involving over half a million children and adults?optimistic people were less frequently depressed, more successful in school and on the job, and, surprisingly, even physically healthier than pessimistic people. Perhaps more importantly, a child that is not born with an optimistic disposition can learn to be an optimist. Fortunately optimism is an EQ skill that can be learned.
SELF ESTEEM AND EQ
Self-esteem, like optimism, is essential in order to maintain a healthy emotional life. People with who have confidence in themselves, their ideas and views, and what they are all about tend to be more emotionally stable that people who lack self-confidence. Being self confident gives people the impression that you are reliable and trustworthy. Studies have showed that children who lack self-esteem are more likely to have emotional problems such as depression, violent fits and suicidal tendencies. When raising a child it is essential that the parent try to show as much love as possible, talk to the children about their day, include them in conversations with other adults, anything that would give the child confidence in him/herself. People who have high self-esteem are less likely to be affected by any negative comments, they know that it?s what they think of themselves that counts. Media has had a great impact on what people show accept as normal and because of that it has become harder for people to have a high self-esteem about themselves especially their physical appearance. When EQ comes into play media is futile, emotionally intelligent and secure individuals have enough self-esteem to ?crush? anything negative that might be directed their way. Teaching a child to have self-esteem is very important. Children?s expectations about their abilities begin at home. If parents show confidence in the children?s actions and judgments the children are more likely to set a higher standard for themselves, in their social and their personal life. Developing a child?s self-esteem through constant praise and reinforcement, as advocated for many years, may actually do more harm than good. Helping a child feel good about themselves only has meaning if those feelings are attached to specific accomplishments and the mastering of new skills.
ABOUT DONNA LYPCHUCK
An air force employee, Donna Lypchuk was born in Tisdale, Sask. After being transported around this great land to Trenton, Winnipeg and Ottawa, her parents finally took up residence on the other side of the 401 in Brockville, Ont.
After studying theatre and film at York University, Lypchuck eked out a meagre living in Toronto, forming her own theatre company, The Last Battalion, writing art criticism for various international art magazines, curating art into nightclubs and making Super-8 art films that looked like somebody’s home movies.
After living for five years upstairs at the Cameron Hotel, Lypchuk decided to write a four-act musical play about Queen St. called Tragedy of Manners that opened the season at Theatre Passe Muraille in 1988 with a cast of 43. Despite the fact that it outraged local critics, it ran for eight weeks. A collection of short fiction by new Canadian writers edited by her the following year, New City Fiction, provoked a similarly indignant reaction from the local press.
Bored with being a short story writer and contributing editor of Impulse Magazine, Lypchuk then discovered the wonderful world of “screenplay development” that culminated in her acceptance to the Canadian Centre for Advanced Film Studies. She was hired by eye in 1991 to write the necrofile, an experiment in journalism. The Necrofiles, a collection of her columns in eye was published in 1995 by eye Press, an imprint of eye and Gutter Press. In the meantime, she has written five well paid for yet unproduced screenplays.
DANIEL GOLEMAN, Ph.D.
Daniel Goleman is a Harvard psychologist. In 1995 Daniel Goleman wrote a best seller (emotional intelligence) that would propel the concept of EQ into public awareness.
It made the cover of Time magazine and became a conversation from classrooms to boardrooms. The implications and significance of EQ even reached the White House. ?I?ll tell you what?s a great book,? President Clinton told reporters at the Tattered Cover Bookstore in Denver, Colorado, on an unscheduled campaign stop, ?this Emotional Intelligence. It?s a very interesting book. I love it. Hilary gave it to me.?
Since the release of his book, Goleman has appeared on countless T.V shows and magazine interviews. He is one of the pioneers that brought emotional intelligence to the forefront.
EQ & STRESS MANAGEMENT
Somebody with high EQ can laugh stress off. Humor is an excellent weapon when it comes to dealing with stress. Being humorous about your problems can make things easier. Having a high EQ makes dealing with stress easier. Being an optimist can ease the load. You don?t let things get to you as much, you don?t forget about your problems, but you don?t allow them to take an emotional toll on you. This is where optimism comes in play again. Being an optimist you can always deal with stress better. You can understand that its not the end of the world, your not going to die, it?s just a measly bill.
EQ & ANGER MANAGEMENT
People who have a high EQ you can handle anger much better than those who don?t. An emotionally intelligent will be able to seize on challenge the thoughts that trigger the surges of anger. Timing matters; the earlier in the anger cycle the more effective. Emotionally intelligent people have a better grip on their emotions. They are more capable of managing their emotions. By identifying how they feel, why they feel this way, they can control the way they react in a given situation. Several experimental programs have had some success in helping aggressive children. One such program, at Duke University, worked with aggressive grade-schoolers. For forty minutes, twice a week, and for six to twelve weeks. The boys were taught that some of the social cues they that were hostile were actually friendly. They learned to take the perspective of other children, to get a sense of how they were being seen. They got in direct training in anger management control the enacting scenes, such as being teased, that might lead them to lose their temper. One of the key skills of anger control was monitoring their feelings?becoming aware of their body?s sensations, such as muscle tensing. After the program was over fights in the school dramatically decreased. Anger management is a very important part in having a high EQ, being able to reason rather acting on impulse.
EQ & CREATIVITY
Having a high EQ gives a person more courage to try new things and go new places. Most people with high EQ are very creative people, they are not afraid of sharing their ideas or their thoughts. Although people with high EQ don?t usually have the highest grades they are more than likely more creative than the other children. Creativity can be developed at a young age. Parents should talk a lot to their kids, take them for walks, go to the beach, anything that can conjure up the least bit of curiosity. A person once said, ?curiosity is the mother of invention.? If parents can get their kids to be curious at a young age the kids are more likely to grow up more creative.
INDIVIDUALS THAT PROFILE A GREAT EQ
It is not difficult to spot a person with a high EQ. They are usually very talkative, optimistic, funny, and outgoing. Most (if not every) comedians have a high EQ. Jim Carrey for instance, has a high EQ. You can tell by watching him. He is always making people laugh, always making faces you almost never see him in a serious mood(not that being in a serious mood is a bad thing). People with high EQ usually come from a family with high EQ. Nobody wants to be around people with low EQ because it brings them down, the most popular students are usually the ones that profile a high EQ. Being emotionally intelligent is great for a persons personal and social life.
EQ & SUCCESS
The excitement over the concept of emotional intelligence begins with its applications for raising and educating children, but extends to it?s importance in the world place and virtually all human relationships. Studies show that the same EQ skills that result in your child being perceived as an enthusiastic learner by his teacher, or being liked by his friends on the playground, will also help him twenty years from now in his job or in his marriage.
In many studies, adults do not appear to be that different from the children they once were, and the social working of the job is like the playground from the childhood. The extent to which EQ skills can effect the workplace is still surprising. A study done at Bell Labs to find out why scientists were performing poorly at their jobs in spite of intellectual and academic intelligence equal to their high-achieving colleagues. The researchers studied the E-mail patterns of all the scientists and found that the employees who were disliked because of poor emotional and social skills were being left out by their colleagues, much the way the nerd way left out of games on the playground. EQ is as important as book-smarts when it comes to success.
EQ & MARRIAGE
What protects a marriage? On the basis of watching interaction in the couples whose marriages have continued to thrive over the years, researchers offer specific advice for men and for women, and some general words for both.
Men and women have different emotional needs. For men, the advice is not to side-step conflict, but to realize that when their wife brings up some grievance or disagreements, she may be doing it as an act of love, trying to keep the relationship healthy and on course. When grievances simmer they build and build in intensity until there is an explosion; when they are aired and worked out it takes the pressure off. But husbands need to realize that anger or discontent is not the same as a personal attack. Their wives? emotions are often simply under-liners, describing the degree of her feelings about the matter.
Men also need to be on guard against short-circuiting the discussion by offering a practical solution too early on. It?s more important to a wife that she feel her husband hears her complain and understands her feelings about the matter. When a person in emotionally ?stable? it is easier for them to understand their partners feelings. They are able to emphasize with them. An ?emotionally intelligent? relationship is the healthiest kind of relationship one can have. Being able to understand each other feelings makes the relationship ?stress-free? and easier to live with.
BORN WITH EQ OR LEARNED?
EQ is something a person learns. People aren?t born with high EQ, people learn it. The best time to learn EQ is during ones childhood (as a child is more easily influenced than an adult). Psychologists often recommend helping children talk about their emotions as a way to understand the feelings of others. But words account for only a small part of how we attach meaning to emotional communication. Teaching children to understand the meaning of posture, facial expressions, tone of voice, and other body language will be much more effective in enhancing their understanding of their emotions and those of others. It is never too late to learn to become emotionally intelligent but the sooner it starts the easier it is.